the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
