Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
