Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
