mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
