East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
