Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
