There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
