Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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