Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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