Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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