Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize