Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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