ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
