everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
