I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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