found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
