Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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