I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
