Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
