Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
