tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
