The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
