So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
