I wanna passion pit in your ass
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
