There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize