If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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