fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
