for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
did you just send me my own nude
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize