What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
