I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
