It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
