well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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