she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
