youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
