I cockslap morals
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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