she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
