Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
