I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
