Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
God, I missed his penis.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
