What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
