i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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