I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize