Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
