and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
