Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
