Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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