I seem to have left my pride at pride
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
