just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize