if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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