pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
