Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
