So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
