i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
