Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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