i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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