so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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