I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
