She is in my trunk
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize