you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
