she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
