How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
