somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
