I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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