Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
