Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
