ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
