do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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