I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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