just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize