Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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