Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
