Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
