Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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