somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
