So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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