What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
