He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize