You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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