dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
