no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
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