you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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