fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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