You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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