I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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