you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
