Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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