So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
