he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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