I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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