giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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