as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
