Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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