Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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