I wish I could punch you in the face.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
