Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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