YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
