I accidentally burped into my bong.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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