MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Can't talk, ducks in the car
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
