i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
