Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
false alarm, still single
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
