after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
