i think my mom watched the whole time
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
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