Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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