dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
