I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
