And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize