I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
