toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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