therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
