The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
